In one warring afternoon,
It was a dog’s day afternoon,
I appeared before your court with my bag of bones,
Drifting in filth and warpath’s blood,
Crawling upon my knees and my labor was drudgery
That roared in stench under my heaving breath,
Towards the end of this volatile road.
I am besieged by your tempestuous whispers—
Of the typhoons, the hurricanes and storms that
Resembles the harshness of your threat,
The calumny of your indictment is fret
With the wafting stench of your soul,
Decaying into the commerce of man.
What ceased to exist is the candor of your warrior heart
That has sought this perilous path in the beginning,
Hence you must banish the serenity of the façade
For no amount of stonewalls would deify your ivory fortress,
An indefensible defense.
i like the vivid images that you pictured by using well-crafted words to create depth and drama
Comment by elmot — April 27, 2009 @ 3:16 pm
To Elmot. Thanks Elmot. Thats the best critique Ive heard ever...
By the way I've linked ur wonderful site.
Comment by Major Tom — April 28, 2009 @ 1:56 pm
thanks alot!
i write poetry too but had stopped from putting my poems on my blog...you know issues of plagiarism.
it is my great privilege to be included in your roll. ill be here my frequently bro. included you too on my roll
Comment by elmot — April 28, 2009 @ 2:41 pm
words that flow out of our mind paint really such a clear mental picture...i've forgotten how to write one myself, used to be a member of the frustrated poets society
Comment by tutubi — April 28, 2009 @ 9:33 pm
test comment
Comment by Masdal — May 2, 2009 @ 5:31 pm
test
Comment by Masdal — May 2, 2009 @ 5:37 pm
sdf
Comment by Masdal — May 2, 2009 @ 5:40 pm
i like the way you concretize concepts with your words.
Comment by lary dela vega — May 12, 2009 @ 4:10 pm
tnx lary
Comment by Major Tom — May 12, 2009 @ 5:51 pm